Indeed

I was reading Michele Catalano's post on the Amy Richards business (see here and here), and was struck by the following:

When you become a mother, you give up your life whether you have one, three or five children at a time. Motherhood is a selfless thing. Your life belongs to your child. Or children.

To which I say: indeed.

While I suspect many people who do not have kids can intellectually understand Michele's statement, let me tell you: the reality that you are truly on call twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year, and that you will be such for likely two-decades per child, is a profoundly life-changing fact. (It is why people who say things like "our pets are like our children" don't know what they are talking about). Indeed, as my Mother has pointed out: even once your kids move out on their own, your sense of responsibility does not evaporate. And how many us have had the gift of being able to call on our parents for help, advice or just emotional support, even well into our adulthood?

I love my three children very much, and they bring a joy to life that is difficult to describe (although Mark Hasty is correct--they can be annoying on a frequent basis as well...;). However, it is true that from the moment you bring that child home from the hospital that your life change and from that point onward you are needed. It doesn't matter if you are fast asleep at 2am and have an important day at work tomorrow or if you have the flu or if you just need to relax, they may need you (and in the truest sense of the word). They are helpless and do not understand the world. It is your job to teach and guide them. It is profond responsibility, and I have oft noted that you don't understand or appreciate what your own parents did for you until you have children of your own. Yes, you can intellectually comprehend it, but trust me, you don't understand until you have kids of your own. (And I don't say that to denigrate anyone without children--I just think it is a fact).

In short: the same way the gravity well of a star affects a solar system, so too do children shape the motion of your daily existence.

I remember a conservation I had back in graduate school almost eight years ago now. I was walking with two female colleagues, one of whom was pregnant, one who was not (and my wife was also pregnant at the time with our first child). We were, not surprisingly, chit-chatting about children when the non-pregnant one opined that having kids was a selfish and egotistical act, because what parents are trying to do is simply recreate themselves. I disagreed with that sentiment then, and I wholly disagree with it now. The selflessness that is required to be a parent far outweighs any desire by any parent to see that child follow in their footsteps. Further, I have seen how while it is true that you pass on a lot of yourself to your children (both good and bad), that you can no more train a child to be your clone that you can wish yourself onto the surface of the moon.

As such: I concur with Michele: parenthood is a selfless act, and motherhood especially so.

Update: This post has been included in today's Beltway Traffic Jam.

Posted by Steven Taylor at July 19, 2024 10:11 AM | TrackBack