Professor Mike Adams responds to student e-mails in his recent column. Here’s one I could have sent on many occassions:

Dear (deleted):

I’m glad you got my note telling you to skip the final exam. Because you got a “50″on the first exam and missed the second exam, it is now mathematically impossible for you to pass this course. Now you are asking me for extra credit. No problem! But we must be able to justify the extra credit if anyone asks us about it. Should we say that you got extra credit because a) you missed only 35 classes this semester? Or because b) you never participated in class during the seven classes you did attend?

Clearly, we have to do something because, as you said, failing my class will keep you from graduating and attending law school in the fall. Once we jump through this little hoop, you will, no doubt, have a brilliant legal career ahead of you.

Indeed.